Never a Stranger with Alan Hennessy

That quote tells you just about everything you need to know about Alan. He sees the world through the scope of not looking up to or down at people, but rather across, directly at them.

For me, it comes down to living life, as if we adults lived by what Mr. Rogers taught our children. One thing he said was that the stranger is just a friend you don't know yet. If we abided by all the things that he was teaching our children, the world would be a kind and happy place.

I hope you will check out the full episode. Alan is a bright light in the world - funny and one of those wonderful people who teaches without you even realizing it! Don’t miss out on this wonderful pebble.

Transcript:

Hi welcome to another episode of The Pebble And today we are talking to my lovely friend Alan Hennessey and he is absolutely my favorite Irishman And we will be talking about just how much positivity changes your life and the world and he is definitely in step in every way with my feelings about those things and really to me the living embodiment of The Pebble So Alan if you wanna take a moment to introduce yourself and talk about what you do and then we'll get rolling on um our thoughts about the importance of smiles and kindness and go from there No problem Well first off Tracy thank you so much for inviting me on uh to The Pebble I really am looking forward to this and uh yes So my name is Alan Hennessey I am the digital mentor I help people to navigate the digital landscape I'm also a best-selling author a podcaster and a NLP uh master So uh the people who don't know what NLP is it's neuro-linguistic programming so it's how the mind works So um yes I have a master in that But um yeah so that's in a nutshell what I do I do a lot more other bits and pieces but I could be here for an hour talking about that so we'll just carry on as they say Well I can personally um recommend the book because um I'm an owner I was um one of the first to snap it up when it went on um the market And yes he is officially a best-seller so round of applause for that Um but yes I um love Alan He and I uh met via uh a a mastermind group that we work with with Cammy Hausa who's been a previous guest And um so a- as I've spoken about in previous episodes with The Pebble it is um uh weird and wild how the world can bring us together but that's one of the beauties of it is that we get the opportunity to meet people that we might not otherwise have the opportunity and uh learn from each other And I definitely get the great opportunity to learn with and from Alan And he has a great skill set as a professional but he also is just a beautiful soul And to me that is the best teacher in the world That's what I learn most from is is people who choose to be vulnerable and offer up themselves because as w- we had a discussion earlier and he shared something that touched me He said "We don't wake up to just choose to be the best in the day." You know We we just wake up to live our lives and um he chooses to try to put a smile on other people's faces And that is literally my goal and so I was like "He is what The Pebble is about." So that is why he is my guest today And I I just I I would like you know to talk about the bigger pic- picture on how we take that to what I literally believe is the essence of how we change the world And I know some people might scoff at that and think that's Pollyanna but I don't think it's Pollyanna and I think you and I share that belief- Mm-hmm um i- it is it is possible to to make the world better with that thought that these are You know it's it isn't impossible to change a world that can seem broken with the simple thought of helping other people smile And it is It's it's so true Uh you know it really is And you know at the end of the day we can't change everything in this world but what we can do is is we can put it out there that you know with positivity And and look Tracy I I'm a very feet on the ground guy Um and I I'm not like you know But I do understand that there is you know a bigger bigger being There's more to life than just work and sleep and and you know and money and stuff like that And I think at the end of the day you know we're brought up in a way that we show respect to each other and that should never change Mm-hmm And there's there's so many people out there that you know a smile can change a day It can change anything and it really can And it's the simplest of things doesn't cost a penny It doesn't cost you anything Nothing Just raise your cheeks and just smile at someone And you know there is some people out there that say "Oh he's he's a bit cuckoo He's a bit la-la You know he smiles at everyone." But I believe that you know if you smile at someone it brightens up their day No matter how bad their day is it will brighten it up And you know I've always gone through life and saying "If I can make some one person either smile or laugh a day my job is done." Yeah And and that's as that's as simple as it is Because I think what we do is we forget you know as we get older and as we start to have more things going on in our lives we forget the simplest of things- The simplest of things can change everything And in order for that to happen we have to change Before we can change anyone else or help anyone else we've gotta help ourselves We've got to look first at ourselves Because if we're not happy like I can go around with a smile on my face and be the most depressed person in the world I'm not being true to the people that are around me I'm not being true to the person I'm smiling at So you've gotta be happy with yourself and be comfortable in your own skin first before you can start to do this And you might say "Well how do I do that?" Well my suggestion is is that you step out of yourself and you take a look and you take a bit of st- you take time to just look at yourself and say "Okay well what makes me happy?" And do more of that And what makes me sad or what makes me annoyed or angry or you know or under pressure or whatever well try and reduce it You're not gonna get rid of it because nobody can But what you can do is is you can reduce it And you can put measures in place and you can put things in place that will change it So if you can start to do that then you can start to help others And as I said it doesn't have to be monetary It doesn't have to be any great big deal It can be as I said just a simple smile or make someone laugh And when you do that it changes the world Because what happens there is that person goes on and does it to someone else and then all of a sudden there's a ripple effect So this is where I'm saying and I know that may sound very simplistic and say "Oh well look I have so much I have so much going on in my life." And I say "Okay if you have not got 5 seconds to smile at someone." So wherever you are if you're watching this now even smile yourself When you s- yeah And you notice a difference The difference is unbelievable and that's as simple as that And then once you start doing that it starts to grow and you start to enjoy it and you start to go "Okay you know life is tough." And I'm not saying that it's not because everyone goes through it But at the same token if you can shine a light or spread a bit of happiness it's gonna change It changes everything It changes you It changes so much You know- Yeah and as you say it's the pebble in the water that sends a ripple effect out It's it it's literally one of those things and that's like the third time I've said literally I just heard myself But it is the thing that it is you can't say you don't have enough money for and you can't say you don't have enough time for Because you can be walking you can be uh working you can be on the phone You can be doing anything except maybe eating and and certainly drinking is a little difficult Those are the 2 things that maybe you can't do and smile But you don't need money in your account You can be completely broke and smile and you can be doing almost anything and smile So your time and your money do not affect the the ability to smile at anyone else or at yourself I was I was talking to a friend of mine He's a He helps the homeless And that's what he does He goes out in the evening and he helps the homeless and he does the you know like the soup soup runs and stuff like that and you know like s- so things like that And he was telling me a story uh this was a couple of years back He was talking to this a man who was very disheveled and he was talking to him about his life and he was telling him why he was homeless and and you know the things And he he says "Do you not find it lonely?" He says "Do you not do that?" He says "No because when someone smiles at me I go off into a different world I don't have to be in the world that I'm in at the moment I can go off into a different place in my mind." Oh So he says "My journeys are endless." Oh that's wonderful And I just thought to myself- Oh isn't that just a wonderful way to look at look at things To be able just to take that time and just move away and just Now I'm not saying to be home but what I'm saying is is to be able to in your own mind just to step out and go "Okay I can be wherever I want in the world." And I've heard that in other scenarios from other people in different ways but but that really struck me and it's some- something that stuck with me and I went "Mm that's a very interesting concept." So you know and I think that's most creative people are like that because they can't they see more than what's in front of them Do you know the type- Yeah way And and that's I think that's what it comes down to too is there is not a culture in this world that doesn't smile And it opens you up to others in a different way And it ex- Kindness Yeah Yeah It it's And I'm a kindness always person first off Like but it it inval- it opens you in a way that tells people "I am allowing myself to be seen by you." And that is something that we don't do enough in this world Mm We walk around um I think you were e- earlier telling me a story about the ma- the the mask and and what it is with the mask I would love it if you shared that story Yeah So in in NLP there's a there's a famous story about the guy who is depressed and he goes out and he's walked by this shop one day And he sees this clown's mask in the window And he goes in and he buys it and he puts it on And people start smiling at him and people start laughing at him And that makes him laugh behind the mask It makes him smile behind the mask Whereas when he's not wearing the mask that's not happening People are just walking by him But because he starts wearing the mask people start to smile and start to And he gets a great kick out of this So the next day he gets he goes home takes the mask off He goes then he feels a lot better in himself The next day he gets up he puts the mask on again and he goes out He does exactly the same And this carries on and carries on until eventually one day he can't get that mask off Okay So what's happened what happens is is that we wear so many different masks in our lives We've all do We all do I've done it I've done it for all my life for many many years long be- before I started doing before I done my master's in NLP 'cause that changed everything and I can explain that in a little bit more detail to you But we all wear masks throughout our lives because we don't want people to see what we're really feeling So what happens is is when we take that mask off and we let people see us for who we really are they're gonna warm to you And if they don't warm to you my attitude to that is is well it's their loss It's not my loss Right You know So you so this is where you're wearing well you have to stop wearing masks in your life and you just gotta be who you are Because you have to be comfortable in your own skin before B- you have to be able to be proud of yourself and be able at ease with yourself before you can be at ease with anyone else or help anyone else because it as I said earlier on it has a ripple effect So the whole idea here is is is that you know in order to be kind to people you have to be kind to yourself So- And don't beat yourself you know and don't beat yourself up on the silly things because really in the grand scheme of things doesn't matter The most important thing is your happiness and the happiness for people around you and to be kind And when you are that when you are kind it comes back at you tenfold Tenfold It's it's it's it's it's incredible You know and you get it from places that you don't think you're gonna get it from But it it it does happen and it really does And I'm a I'm a firm believer in it You know I spent many years I couldn't read or write till I was 12 years of age and I always had a hang-up always thought I wasn't good enough um and the other bits and pieces And it was always a big hang-up with And I done went and done the NLP boot camp and then I done a practitioner's course in this And I remember and I was saying this to you earlier on that I done the practitioner's course and halfway through the week it was a 7day intensive course 12 hours a day really really intensive The reason why they do that is is is because they're trying to get into the subconscious mind and not the conscious mind So if you talk about the subconscious and the conscious the conscious mind is 7% and your subconscious mind is 93% So the in order the conscious mind is what makes you put one foot in front of the other- But your un- your your unconscious mind is the one that says "Okay remember you need to put your left in front of your right in order for you to move." So that's the reason why So with NLP the idea is is to get into your subconscious mind So that's why the the course is intense But I remember on the Wednesday the person that was teaching us actually said to us "I'm just I I can't get to you Alan." And they done we done a bit of work and whatever and we done a bit of bits and pieces which I won't go into but basically um I cried for about an hour after that because I just let go of everything I took that mask off that day But what I done was is I literally cried for an hour But the next day I woke up I was changed I was a different person because I wasn't having to carry that around with me So I'm saying that to people who are out there now Tracy is is and who are watching this is is I'm not expecting you to you know let go of everything because you can't You can't do that You c- yeah it's that's not it's physically impossible mentally impossible to do But let go of small things Because e- with everything that you let go and everything that you stop worrying about the smaller they get and then you become more um at ease and you become more able to enjoy what you do And I'm not talking about work I'm talking about life Right You know take that time out Take stock Stop running to the next thing Give yourself 5 minutes If you feel like sitting down and having a coffee or reading a book do it Do it Because whatever you're running to meet will still be there when you're finished You know It yes So you have to give yourself time But change your state of mind Once you change your state of mind you can change others It's so important 100% Um as I was saying at the beginning um I feel so much that I I learn from our group I learn from you And it's not just because from business In fact I do learn some there but that's the least of it I learn from the presence that you bring and the spirit that you bring and the growth I've we we when we were talking earlier I've gotten more self-confidence from being around you I've I've shared my vision and my dream for this and much of what how it's come to fruition has come from the group Um in fact uh you you really helped me like make it happen Like I was saying I wanted to do it and you were very much the encourager that was like "Just go do it Make it happen." And and I appreciate that very much And- But with that Tracy w- when when we ta- when you were talking about you know how you said to you "Go just go and do it," you you knew you could do it but you needed someone to just give you that little push and that little help and say "Yes you can do it." Because I didn't switch on the on the camera today You I didn't switch on the camera in all the other interviews you've done You've done it So you took that step You changed your state of mind and said "Yeah of course I can do this and I'm going to enjoy this And it's gonna bring me joy but it's also gonna bring others joy." And that's exactly what you do And you do that on a daily basis You know in the group like we were talking earlier on you were saying "Oh not just in business but in life," I think But it's it also is well in business because it's every part of your life Because it will make it better I negotiate with people much better now When someone before might have said to me you know "Oh uh no you're not getting that contract," now I ask why And I say "Well why am I I not getting it and that other person's What's the difference between me and them?" They say "Oh well there's this." And I say "Okay well do they bring this to the table Do they bring that?" And then all of a sudden you go- So you're able to change the state of mind of not being defeatist Right Saying "Now hold on Hold on a minute now Give me another chance Let me come back and let me talk to you." You know and I think that's a key important part and that's not just in business That can be in life whether that's friends family you know whatever it may be You you will you will find that way So it's really important that you believe in yourself before a- anyone else will believe in you Well thank you And I agree with you too Uh w- and it comes to the mindset and I think it is downplayed a lot to have this positivity mindset And we're talking about the Pollyanna and and y- you're talking about negotiating and people often think "Oh you have to go in with the killer instinct." And I feel like we come we come in with a what if an add-on rather than "Okay well why didn't I get it Because I carry this with me Did you consider this?" These are positives Instead of looking to kill the competition that way we're just saying "Well did you consider this We bring this." And that's doesn't have to be at the expense of anyone else You can bring all of this positivity and still be someone who seeks out good for themselves No one is asking us to live a life of lack We're just saying that we don't have to have abundance at the expense of others I believe that there is abundance available to everyone and I want everyone to be finding it for themselves Mm-hmm And and that's that's just such a different mindset and when you live in the mindset that there is limited value to people that there's only worth for a few and you have to claw for it to show you you that you are enough it's not just a matter of thinking there's only uh you know you we hear the lack of things We we know the abundance theory that there's only enough things for people Mm We've heard that a lot But I think worse there's this idea that there's a lack of abundance of worth of value that that th- there's only a certain amount of people that are worthy and I just don't subscribe to that I just really believe everybody on this earth has a purpose and if they're not feeling good if they're not feeling happy then what they need to do is is be be coming into themselves and finding the things that find feel valuable to them that make them feel good and valuable and that will help them find their purpose But it's not that they don't have a purpose It's not- Yeah that they're not valuable but that our society has told them that there's just this limited few that are cool and valuable and beautiful And I just I just don't subscribe to that that this this king of the- Yeah hill thing And so uh that's you know where to me why the smiles do change the world Because- I think- you smile at one of them- Mm and you may have literally saved them their life that day You just don't know what that- Yeah smile that hello did for them I think the one thing that we've sort of learned from COVID that COVID and the pandemic there has been a positive Um and I know there's been very little positives um positives ever but I think the one positive that we can take is is that people stopped and people took stock and took stock of themselves of their life of their friends of their families And it was the only thing in this world out of everything that I've lived through in my lifetime is is that we all were going through the exact same thing at the exact same time It was like someone came and I always use the analogy someone came and just got one huge blanket and just threw it over the world and we were all underneath it There were we were no different Black white green yellow pink blue whatever color whatever whatever creed whatever person you were we were all in the same boat And I think what it done was is it made us all stop and think Because life was getting out of control and we were forgetting about the person who was next to us We were- Indeed we weren't spending that time So what it done was is it made us stand back and you know at the pe- at the start everyone was "Oh this is great I've a week off," and whatever And then all of a sudden you had 2 years off and you know and that's when people were starting to find it hard and find it tough And you know like I lost my dad um just after COVID because of it And that was you know and that was that was sad because but I know he would've lived a number of years on- than that if it hadn't have been for COVID But what it done was it just broken 'cause he was a man that used to walk get out and want to go for a walk or go to the shops and get his paper or whatever it may be and that was his out That was his mental mental stay gone Yeah well I have that to look forward to in the morning And he was regimental about doing it but he couldn't do it So what it does is I think it has made us stop it's made us think and it's made us be more human Yeah And I've noticed a big change in a lot of people And I'm not just talking about people that I know it's like in people I've seen it I've seen it when I've watched programs or watched interviews or w- m- whatever it may be and people are speaking differently They're not going they're not going "Oh get out of my way." You know what I mean I'm I'm sure it's you And you know when people look down on other people and and I say this to the people that do that is is "Someone's looking down on you How do you feel How do you feel when that person looks down on you?" And then think about it when you're looking down on that other person Right How do they how how does that make them feel And think about this and this is what I'm talking about It goes back to these simplistic things of being kind smiling saying hello You know giving people the time of day having manners and looking after the person who's next to you They may be a complete stranger but the same token they're your friend You know And I think that's the simplest thing because you just You know as someone said to me before and I and I think it's a great saying is is "The person that's standing to you next to you is your friend You just don't know that yet." You know it really uh I agree There were several things that came out um about Fred Rogers Mr Rogers- Mm um during the pandemic And basically if we adults lived by everything that we wanted Mr Rogers to teach our children we'd be okay Oh yeah And that's actually 1 But there has to- of the things he literally said was um is "A a is the stranger is just a friend you you don't know yet." Yeah That was one of his phrases is And and if we did if we abided by all the things that Mr Rogers was teaching our children the Wow the world would be a really kind and happy place But there has to be a yin and a yang to make it work Because when you have a yin and a yang sometimes it's out of balance But if you can get them to balance oh my gosh it's a totally different thing You know don't look up to people or look down on people look across them Yes And and it's it's so true We I I think you're right though about the pandemic I do know of of several um silver linings and I I I've said while obviously I wouldn't have chosen it to happen I got time with my uh teenagers that I would have never gotten And um I do think that many of us went "Wow time is is a precious thing," and people that we know and love are lost and have been lost and we have to grab hold of them So it's a good reminder that nothing is guaranteed Yeah how many people do you know that had COVID that their loved ones or their friends looked after them and the person who had it says "Oh my gosh I would've been lost without such and such." Or "They were so kind to me They were so good to me." And it was it's it's it's quite sad in a way that it took that for people to say that But I think what's happened is is the ripple effect of what we were talking about earlier on has carried on 'cause now people care for each other- Yeah because of this And they've al- they've already sort of grown in relationships and go- grown in friendships because of it and have a deeper understanding of how the people are who how everyone is or who they who that person is to the next You know so it's see this is the way my mind works I don't just think straight I- I- I think the whole lot of it and I go "Hmm." And it's only when you sit back and you think about these things that you actually start to go "Yeah I think we're living in a in a better world than we were you know 4 years 5 years ago." You know I know we had I I mean look I'm not saying like I've had people I've had friends of mine I've had relations of mine who- who passed away from COVID and I'm not saying that that was a good thing Oh Jesus I it- I understand By no mean by no means I'm not saying that Like ideally I wouldn't have wanted it but you know- But lessons can be learned I'm a very- And- and- Yeah and I think you have to have a You know there has to be you know for every negative in your life there's a positive even if the negative is in "Well that's not gonna happen to me again because I'm gonna remember not to do that again." You know that type of way So that's the positive you take out of it So for every negative in your life there is a positive and it can be the simplest of things And that's why I had you on The Pebble Look at that Like see how it See guys That's why Alan was a guest on The- The Pebble Look how he brought that around so perfectly for me And that's exactly right is that um uh we you know we can't avoid negatives happening in our lives but we can look for the positive And sometimes we have to work at it but it's not easy Mm-hmm Neither Alan nor I are Pollyanna but we believe in it This is this is intrinsic to who we are So Alan Hennessy thank you for being a delightful guest and my friend And I will be sharing all of Alan's uh handles and where you can find him in the caption below and I definitely want you to look him up and get his book And- Thank you I think it's definitely worth looking up more about neuro-ling You say it Guistic Linguistic Neuro- neuro l- neuro- neurolinguistic programming See I messed him up And- 'Cause I messed it up N- N- NLP But Tracy can I just say it's a pleasure I've I'm honored to be a guest on the on the show but also I've watched all of the other episodes and they are just phenomenal And you are a phenomenal person And keep doing what you're doing because the more you do that the more people will learn and more people will get joy from you So thank you for being who you are today Thank you And thank you all for watching The Pebble and I appreciate your time And if you've enjoyed it I hope you'll subscribe and keep coming along for the ride And have a blessed and wonderful day Bye now