Outside In: When Joy Isn't Always Joyful

I love the movie Inside Out.

Always have. When it came out, my son was Riley's age, and it seemed like Pixar was writing it just for him. It has been a running joke in our family that Pixar must have a writer his age because almost every important period of growth for him has been memorialized in some way in an appropriately timed film.  

It has also been said more than once that I am the walking embodiment of the character Joy. And while I cannot rock a pixie cut (Seriously, not a play for "aww, come on"s, "I am sure you could"s - I cannot! More than one failed try.), they're not wrong. Joy is something of a spirit animal for me. I took it as a pure compliment with a big "Joy" smile. 

Until this morning.

This morning I read something that made me rethink Joy's role and something I do to myself and sometimes others. 

Stop! What’s Wrong with Joy?

While Joy is fun and brings drive and excitement to the table, she can't absorb when she is driving over the other emotions. I have been doing work to process poor coping mechanisms, including NLP training, and my homework included a reference to this very  film, and Joy herself. It stopped me in my tracks. 

Still Lessons to Learn

The first 12,376 I watched the film, I saw all the lessons for a parent learning about their children. Now, I see myself as the child remembering the truest lesson of the film. When Joy stops fighting Sadness, Riley starts to be okay again. Anger and Sadness weren't allowed very much for me. Joy had to get loud. Really loud. While I was genuinely a joyful person, just as Riley was, joy was also a chief protection.

It’s Okay to Be Sad... (Angry, Fearful, or even Disgusted)

Now at 54, I am learning that those other emotional friends around the table serve purposes, too. That may be why the guys at Pixar included them in the adults, rather than just as comic relief. (Though they provide that beautifully.) I often provide too much comic relief, just like Inside Out 2. But that's for another day.

Do you find you use one emotion to cover the others?